My Open Letter to the Whinburgh Poo-Tagger

As ruthlessly suppressed by the Dereham Times.

Big tech silences New York Post; Glen Greenwald, censored by the very The Intercept he founded. Neither can match the sheer bathos of my cancelling at the hands of The Dereham Times letters to the editor.

Luckily I have a Substack. Here, in the pixels of Citizens of Nowhere I can publish any old rubbish without fear of suppression by anything but your own ambivalence, dear subscriber. So here she blows. Fill your boots.

To the Dereham Times,

I write to commend and constructively criticize the actions of an intrepid poo-gooder who treks around the parish of Winburgh affixing handwritten notes saying ‘irresponsible dog owner’ to the unclaimed dog (?) turds they happen on.

While I applaud the tenacity with which they plug poos, I believe this vigilante shit sticker is doing a great disservice to honest ratepayers like me who suffer from poor eyesight.

I have to get down on my hands and to read your rebukes. It stinks down there! And goodness knows what my sneaky mutt gets up to when my back is turned. I certainly cannot speak to the aperture of her sphincter during these unguarded moments. Would you write in a bigger font?

Arthur Meek

Whinburgh