Animal Slavery

The Pet Emancipation Squad raids my house at 4.30 on a Monday morning.

I'm scrubbed, dressed and standing at the door to welcome them like a bell hop.

I was tipped off at 4.15am. Thanks to the courage of my neighbour with the fox.

“It's a wild animal. I don't feed it".

She lives by the village green. Across from the carpark where the PES gathers to brief. What's to discuss? They just screw an earbud into their brains and parrot whatever nonsense comes spewing out of it. Surely they're meat puppets for chatbots?

“Are you [my name] of [this address]?”

I am he.

“We have reason to suspect that you are holding a canine being in domestic bondage.”

🙄

“The Animal Slavery Act of 2036 specifically prohibits the bondage of sentient creatures, including canines, as domestic pets.”

My watch pings.

“The push notification you have received is a digital court order. It empowers us, as authorised agents of the Pet Emancipation Squad to undertake a thorough search of this proper…